Mental health struggles can affect people in different ways.
The resources here are intended to help visitors recognize concerns, start conversations and connect with qualified support.
This website does not provide medical diagnosis or treatment. When professional help is needed, use licensed health professionals and established crisis and mental health services.
Depression is an illness with a biological basis. People who are depressed feel “down in the dumps” and are not interested in the activities they usually enjoy. Other symptoms that a depressed teen may experience include:
If you experience at least five of these symptoms most of the day for at least two weeks, you may be depressed. Talk to your parent(s), a trusted adult, or your doctor immediately — don’t wait! Depression is complex. There are a number of factors that determine whether or not an individual will become depressed. Genetics, or whether there is a history of the illness in your family, play a part. A major negative or stressful life event, such as being abused; having trouble at home or at school; trouble with friends or in relationships; legal problems; a break-up or parents’ divorce may also trigger an episode of depression. However, changes within the brain that lead to depression may occur even without an obvious cause.
When you are depressed, depression may affect many aspects of your life. Your ability to do well in school, to enjoy hanging out with friends, and to play sports and engage in extracurricular activities can all be negatively affected when you are depressed. If you are depressed, you are not alone. Depression is the most common mental illness in the U.S. among teens and adults, and can have a serious impact on the lives of many teens who suffer from depression. In any given year, depression will affect 10 to 15 percent of teenagers in the U.S.
Studies show that more than 80 percent of people with depression can be successfully treated. Effective treatments for depression include medication, psychotherapy (talk therapy) or a combination of the two. Depression does not go away on its own. If you are depressed, it is important to begin treatment as soon as possible. Most people who are depressed begin to feel better after a few months of psychotherapy and/or taking medication.
Risk factors are characteristics that make it more likely that someone will consider, attempt, or die by suicide. They can’t cause or predict a suicide attempt, but they’re important to be aware of.
Some warning signs may help you determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these, seek help by calling the Lifeline at (800)-273-8255.
If you need immediate help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255, or text HOME to 741741
Speaking to someone, whether by going to a therapist or by attending a support group, can help you feel better and improve your mental health. These resources can help you find a psychologist, psychiatrist, or support group near you.
Ask for help: Don’t be afraid to let your friends, family, or teachers know what you need when they ask; they want to help. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline any time — calls are confidential.
Remember that this feeling can be overcome: Family conflict, relationships, grades, sexual identity, and the loss of important people can seem impossible to deal with. But with support from others, you can.
Evaluate the relationships in your life: Love and friendship are all about respect. Toxic or unhealthy relationships can negatively affect you. Whether you’re dating or building new friendships, remember your rights. If you’re being bullied, help is also available.
The holiday season can be a difficult and stressful time for many. That’s why it’s so important to stop and listen to your own needs, too. Here are some self-care ideas for December and beyond.
Historian Arnold Toynbee once wrote, “There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved.” Unfortunately, many survivors of suicide suffer alone and in silence. The silence that surrounds them often complicates the healing that comes from being encouraged to mourn.
Because of the social stigma surrounding suicide, survivors feel the pain of the loss, yet may not know how, or where, or if, they should express it. Yet, the only way to heal is to mourn. Just like other bereaved persons grieving the loss of someone loved, suicide survivors need to talk, to cry, sometimes to scream, in order to heal.
As a result of fear and misunderstanding, survivors of suicide deaths are often left with a feeling of abandonment at a time when they desperately need unconditional support and understanding. Without a doubt, suicide survivors suffer in a variety of ways: one, because they need to mourn the loss of someone who has died; two, because they have experienced a sudden, typically unexpected traumatic death; and three, because they are often shunned by a society unwilling to enter into the pain of their grief.
How Can You Help?
A friend or family member has experienced the death of someone loved from suicide. You want to help, but you are not sure how to go about it. This page will guide you in ways to turn your cares and concerns into positive action.
Accept The Intensity Of The Grief
Grief following a suicide is always complex. Survivors don’t “get over it.” Instead, with support and understanding they can come to reconcile themselves to its reality. Don’t be surprised by the intensity of their feelings. Sometimes, when they least suspect it, they may be overwhelmed by feelings of grief. Accept that survivors may be struggling with explosive emotions, guilt, fear and shame, well beyond the limits experienced in other types of deaths. Be patient, compassionate and understanding.
Listen With Your Heart
Assisting suicide survivors means you must break down the terribly costly silence. Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judgment are critical helping tools. Willingness to listen is the best way to offer help to someone who needs to talk. Thoughts and feelings inside the survivor may be frightening and difficult to acknowledge. Don’t worry so much about what you will say. Just concentrate on the words that are being shared with you. Your friend may relate the same story about the death over and over again. Listen attentively each time. Realize this repetition is part of your friend’s healing process. Simply listen and understand. And, remember, you don’t have to have the answer.
Avoid Simplistic Explanations and Clichés
Words, particularly clichés, can be extremely painful for a suicide survivor. Clichés are trite comments often intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, “You are holding up so well,” “Time will heal all wounds,” “Think of what you still have to be thankful for” or “You have to be strong for others” are not constructive. Instead, they hurt and make a friend’s journey through grief more difficult. Be certain to avoid passing judgment or providing simplistic explanations of the suicide. Don’t make the mistake of saying the person who suicided was “out of his or her mind.” Informing a survivor that someone they loved was “crazy or insane” typically only complicates the situation. Suicide survivors need help in coming to their own search for understanding of what has happened. In the end, their personal search for meaning and understanding of the death is what is really important.
Be Compassionate
Give your friend permission to express his or her feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend. Don’t instruct or set explanations about how he or she should respond. Never say “I know just how you feel.” You don’t. Think about your helping role as someone who “walks with,” not “behind” or “in front of” the one who is bereaved.
Familiarize yourself with the wide spectrum of emotions that many survivors of suicide experience. Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time. And recognize tears are a natural and appropriate expression of the pain associated with the loss.
Respect The Need To Grieve
Often ignored in their grief are the parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, spouses and children of persons who have suicided. Why? Because of the nature of the death, it is sometimes kept a secret. If the death cannot be talked about openly, the wounds of grief will go unhealed. As a caring friend, you may be the only one willing to be with the survivors. Your physical presence and permissive listening create a foundation for the healing process. Allow the survivors to talk, but don’t push them. Sometimes you may get a cue to back off and wait. If you get a signal that this is what is needed, let them know you are ready to listen if, and when, they want to share their thoughts and feelings.
Understand The Uniqueness Of Suicide Grief
Keep in mind that the grief of suicide survivors is unique. No one will respond to the death of someone loved in exactly the same way. While it may be possible to talk about similar phases shared by survivors, everyone is different and shaped by experiences in his or her life. Because the grief experience is unique, be patient. The process of grief takes a long time, so allow your friend to process the grief at his or her own pace. Don’t criticize what is inappropriate behavior. Remember the death of someone to suicide is a shattering experience. As a result of this death, your friend’s life is under reconstruction.
Be Aware Of Holidays And Anniversaries
Survivors of suicide may have a difficult time during special occasions like holidays and anniversaries. These events emphasize the absence of the person who has died. Respect the pain as a natural expression of the grief process. Learn from it. And, most importantly, never try to take the hurt away. Use the name of the person who has died when talking to survivors. Hearing the name can be comforting and it confirms that you have not forgotten this important person who was so much a part of their lives.
Be Aware Of Support Groups
Support groups are one of the best ways to help survivors of suicide. In a group, survivors can connect with other people who share the commonality of the experience. They are allowed and encouraged to tell their stories as much, and as often, as they like. You may be able to help survivors locate such a group. This practical effort on your part will be appreciated. (See Directory of SOS Support Groups on main page)
Respect Faith And Spirituality
If you allow them, a survivor will “teach you” about their feelings regarding faith and spirituality. If faith is part of their lives, let them express it in ways that seem appropriate. If they are mad at God, encourage them to talk about it. Remember, having anger at God speaks of having a relationship with God. Don’t be a judge, be a loving friend. Survivors may also need to explore how religion may have complicated their grief. They may have been taught that persons who take their own lives are doomed to hell. Your task is not to explain theology, but to listen and learn. Whatever the situation, your presence and desire to listen without judging are critical helping tools.
Work Together As Helpers
Friends and family who experience the death of someone to suicide must no longer suffer alone and in silence. As helpers, you need to join with other caring persons to provide support and acceptance for survivors who need to grieve in healthy ways. To experience grief is the result of having loved. Suicide survivors must be guaranteed this necessity. While the above guidelines on this page will be helpful, it is important to recognize that helping a suicide survivor heal will not be an easy task. You may have to give more concern, time and love than you ever knew you had. But this effort will be more than worth it.
Everyone has a role to play in preventing suicide. There are a number of ways to get involved locally and nationally. Community walks and local crisis centers are great ways to get involved and raise awareness. Even the smallest time commitment can make a tremendous impact. Check out the links below and start making a difference today.
You can also make a direct contribution to the Frankie V Polletta foundation by clicking here.